Gallup, Employee Morale, and Poop

I have a very good friend who once confessed to me that he only poops at work. Apparently, it is the American dream to get paid to poop. Why poop at home if someone is paying you to work? Might as well poop on the clock.

I thought this was crazy — until I started to hate my job and took this methodology on a test run. I only pooped at work. If I traveled, I waited until I arrived at the office or off-site meeting to poop. Even though I am an advocate of pooping when nature calls — and I take Benefiber to keep my plumbing in good shape — I started holding my urge to poop until I arrived at the office.

Out at lunch and need to poop? Too bad. It had to wait until I am back in the building.

I am making this confession because your company is spending six figures to implement a Gallup employee survey and you are not asking a critical question:

Where do you poop?

Believe me, the answer is both a valid and reliable measurement of how employees feel about your company.